To Live By

Day Ten through Day Fourteen

Have you ever been so tired, so stressed out beyond your breaking point and you still have more homework, more school, more friends and work and family and problems and evil midgets to deal with? 

There are instances in my life where nothing is going right.  Where ‘fml’ is not an exaggeration; where breaking down is about the only thing left at the end of the day to do and where I wish I had the guts and audacity to actually kill myself. 

I have been blessed by intervening miracles that just kind of salvage me before I can totally lose it or I am actually able to get away from the situation so I can lose it. 

The first time I remember was in high school where I was going through a really hard time just trying to figure why I was so different from the people in my class and just normal teenage stuff.  A girl complimented me so well that my veritably low self-esteem sky rocketed.  I make it a point to always share my opinions to everyone just so they can be sure I how I feel about them and maybe it'll make their day better.

The next one was at work when a guy we named Pokémon still worked there.  I was in mid-freak out and just about to have a huge panic attack when he stayed for the rest of my shift.  I remember driving around after that crying my ass off and figuring shit out.

There have been other times at pivotal points in my life where people have saved me. 

The last few weeks have been presenting themselves as an unrelenting hardship of laziness and by consequence: uncompromising self-inflicted stress.  Why?  Because depression sucks ass and it’s the hardest thing in the world just to get out of bed.  Let alone care about school and work. 

I’m going to fail this semester.  I’ve to terms about this and I’ll have to confront the repercussions soon but until then I’m trying my best to be happy.  I’m filling my life with happy things and people as often as possible. 

Kind of like this chocolate penguin head.  Kyrsten, Danny and I laughed for like a half an hour about my inability to eat it because it was too cute.  I ended up gouging its eyes…somehow defacing it was more morally sound to me at the time?

This week I also threw out my back pretty badly enough for me to miss school.  I did go to the movies though when I was feeling better.  Charles, Matt and I saw “No Strings Attached” and it was really good. 

<---(This is Matt; he's a pretty hott chick)

Yesterday I had a snowday.  Hellz yeah!  We all hung out with my favorite little brother and sister: Jeff and Jackie.  Since school started I haven’t been able to hang out with any of my friends so it was amazing seeing them!  We went to Wal-Mart like we always do and played with all the toys :]  I bought 300 and some chick flicks.  And socks.  I’m pretty sure I have a sock fetish…

Today I spent it going out with Charles and then to my only class of the day for an exam. 

My life is sprinkled with wonderful people who kind of just pop in at the right time and stop me from going completely crazy!  I love them so much.